Empathy: “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”
Sounds pretty straightforward for most, but as it turns out, empathy is not an emotion or feeling itself, but an ability to recognize and understand someone else’s emotions or feelings, ánd show compassion. People tell me I have too much of it. Maybe even enough to qualify to be highly sensitive, unlike many people on this beautiful planet who have little to none.
There are lots of people who have empathy I hear you say. Think of all the good causes, NGO’s, “help thy neighbors,” refugee volunteers, and so on. Of course, the people upon whom humanity was built, functions and thrives. Where solutions are sought from the heart, and not from an economic point of view or personal interest.
In addition, it is of course inevitable that there are also differences to be mentioned in the way empathy shows itself in various countries and cultures. It’s quite an assignment to not go full geopolitical, as it seems there is clearly enough reason to do so, considering the current conflicts in the world. Instead, I think it is more interesting to try to describe where those differences are visible, misunderstood, and how they contribute to division.
Let’s not forget that having empathy is also not always desirable or useful. Many world leaders and military commanders are apparently able to withhold those emotions when making decisions that they believe are in everyone’s common interest. Even though those interests often, or should I say: Usually always, lean towards the outcome with the best economic result. And for people who have experienced indirect life-or-death combat, it can be more difficult to have a sense of empathy or give in to it, which is understandable.
The qualifications for empathy
One of my first realizations that other cultures had different thoughts and behavior patterns regarding emotions, was on one of our family holidays in Italy. I remember when I was about eight years old when an Italian girl hit me, purely out of frustration that we didn't understand each other. In that part of Italy, it turned out that the hand gesture for; "Go away" meant; “Come here,” to her, and of course, I didn’t oblige. To make it even worse, she had no empathy because she felt she had done nothing wrong. As far as my mother was concerned, she felt the hitting part was outrageous, but the Italian mother didn't move a muscle to intervene. As I grew older, I learned enough Italian words to save myself from similar mistakes and situations. Making the effort to adapt and learn is also proof of having high standards on the scale of empathy.
We are all different human beings and it’s not easy to meet the average expectations of visibly showing empathy for many. It's quite a list if you break down the word in every sense of its meaning: Having equality of paramount importance, generosity, curiosity toward others, and ideas. And of course, perhaps the most required quality: Emotional intelligence.
The top 10
A 2016 study of 104,365 people in 63 countries, provided insight into how empathy varies across cultures. They named the countries with the surprisingly highest empathy scores in the following order:
Ecuador, South America
Saudi Arabia, Middle East
Peru, South America
Denmark, Northern Europe
UAE, Middle East
South Korea, East Asia
US, North America
Taiwan, East Asia
Costa Rica, Central America
Kuwait, Middle East
Interesting. Current events may show different outcomes, where the desire for hostility towards countries where conflict currently exists, could somewhat have changed significantly. But as a European myself, the fact that there is only one European reference in the top 10, is not surprising. The lack of empathy among many residents of my continent, is clearly visible in their online comments, rants, and hateful and selfish statements, that have become increasingly worse over the past decade. Even if you filter out the trolls and other hatemongers. The problem with humanity is that we apparently have a very short memory. In addition, it also seems that those who have never experienced hardship and suffering in their lives have caused them to develop low levels of empathy and a certain numbness. I’m sorry, but someone had to say it, even considering we’re are all on different emotional spectrums. We can do better.
Essential for survival
All this raises the question of whether the only way to generate the empathy that a human of average intelligence should feel, and be able to show or act upon, is only possible after we have all experienced the same suffering? In a world, where we will all have to learn to rely on each other again to survive and basic needs are equal and met? Is it really that hard? Or is the visible self-interest and selfishness insurmountable? Is asking questions, listening, researching, understanding, leading to having more empathy, really too much of an effort? Understanding that a turnaround is needed to prevent even more division is essential. The definition of essential, by the way, is that we cannot live without it…,
Thank you for reading,
Mo.
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